Quality New Music

Today is another day in the ever continuing year which is a part of the ever long infinity of the space time in which we exist. Yet today is the day I introduce the general review section of teh interblag. But what is a review other then a thought on a thought with the simply intention of berating one another's ideas for nothing more than the sake of pretension. More often than not, a "review" is simply an overwrought essay rephrasing the same preconception about what ever is being scrutinized, except the review done after the fact. For this reason I will not waste any more of our time then is necessary and all reviews will rephrase my preconceptions in little over or one sentence long. Reviews are also tagged with numerical ratings based on arbitrary scales. Scales and numbers can be seen every where, they are in our banks, they are in our laboratories, and they are on our bathroom floors. Yet can one really rate music? Even though some opinions are essentially much more valid than others (especially when considering my opinions) opinions come from taste and to some poor individuals with atrocious tastes, garbage may be falsely considered treasure.Because of this I will not assign albums numbers, but instead arbitrary ratings without any recognizable or real scale. That way the morons of today may misinterpret an awful rating assigned by me to be just as good as they see the awful "music" in which I have reviewed. So here we go;

Songs of Shame~Woods: I cannot quite determine how I feel about this act. Their name is Woods yet their latest releases' sound is not. Is this an ironic view of an ironic sound? Is the woodsy sound in underground music already considered ironic? How exactly is one supposed to handle double irony?
Rating: Your dad drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon

Merridweaether Post Pavillion~Animal Collective: Imagine listening to the Beach Boys. Now imagine listening to the Beach Boys underwater
Rating: Brian Wilson at your pool party

Asleep in the Bread Aisle~Asher Roth: Writing a mediocre song about a frat party is just as cool as drinking yourself to sleep before your elementary education exam
Rating: Waking up with a hangover and realizing you have no actual friends

Art Brut vs. Satan: Better then their second, but not as good as their first
Rating: Every other just good band ever.

Noble Beasts~Andrew Bird: Plucking the strings on a violin and whistling while not remembering if you're actually enjoying what you're listening to.
Rating: Three heath bars and a bowl of frozen yogurt

The Crying Light~Antony and the Johnsons: Anotony's elegance and style makes every song on this album is totally amazing and by amazing I mean gay, and by totally I mean gay.
Rating: A community theater production and a copy of Coldplay's A Rush of Blood to the Head

Reissues; Pablo Honey, The Bends, Ok Computer~Radiohead: Should I be happy about Radiohead reissuing their 90s career or mad that Capitol is just trying to score some more easy cash from the band?
Rating: Baby Thom York crying

Dark Horse~Nickelback: Listening to Nickleback is kind of like having some one piss on your face, the only difference I would only pay for one of those two things
Rating: A steaming pile of shit covered in baby Thom Yorke's tears